he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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