I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you had me at cake vodka
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
