so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
