Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
