Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
