my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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