Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
