I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
