first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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