i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
