Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
