Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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