i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
