so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
