weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
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Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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