you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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