All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
