She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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