She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.