shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.