John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.