I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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