Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
