it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
