I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
