Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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