Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
