margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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