Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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