in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
