She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
