Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
