I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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