I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You can't special order awesome
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
