you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Randomize
