Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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