Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
