You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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