I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
