I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
