Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i need some magic done to my vagina
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
