Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
