respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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