don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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