do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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