The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
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If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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