We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
