We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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