Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
