dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
