I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
