If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
