oh god the rape fog is back!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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