why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
