i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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