I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
