you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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