Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
