dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
