I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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