If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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