I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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