I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
