Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
