I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
