And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
