a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
