i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
