I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
