babies were throwing up all over the place
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
