I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
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