Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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