Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
