I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
id be glad to
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
