Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
