I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
