you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
