So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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