My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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