I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
