Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
