yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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