Pants 0. Shit 1.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
