Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
