She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
