I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
